Clearing things out
Dear J,
What a weekend! Thank the Lord, it was a long one. I wouldn't have minded another day though. Long weekends just make me wish it were even longer! I managed to get motivated enough to start clearing things out near the tree line and creek that sits along our back yard. What a job! And on top of that, the pastor challenged us (so to speak) to think about where we are, personally with the Lord as well as where we are as a church. So as I worked, I thought about where I am.
Over the past few years, we have been losing ground as the weeds and things have started taking over our yard. Gradually reclaiming it as its own. I have allowed this in simple ways. What I refer to as the tree line has a tremendous amount of poison ivy and, in the summer time, spiders, and snakes that inhabit that area. We also keep a wood pile back there that feeds a supply of termites (this enables our house to remain termite free). Each year, as I would mow or trees would fall, we might not be able to get the limbs/trees to the woodpile or they would stick out from the line. We'd mow around them. Or, a spider might have a web and I would avoid it. Eventually, that allowed nature to take over. Well, I decided that I didn't like that. Not one bit. I grew up in a not so nice house. I want my house and yard to be nice. I'm not looking for perfect (there is something to be said for the "lived in" look), but I do look for nice. Something that I can feel comfortable showing guests.
I decided that I needed to reclaim my yard. Now is perfect. The trees are just beginning to develop buds, the weeds are dead and the bugs are well, doing whatever they do during the winter. Spiders and snakes are not anywhere in sight. At least, not in my sight. Which is....GOOD. So I started pulling up weeds and found that limbs once to heavy and cumbersome were now week and brittle. As I worked, I felt better and better about clearing things out. The more I cleared, the more motivated I became. Much like my relationship with Jesus. At first, there was a lot of muck. It was so heavy and thick that I just didn't know where to begin. I'd put things off. I wouldn't start because it was just too hard to figure out WHERE. Same with the yard. Sometimes I'm too anal for my own good. I mean here are the questions I'd flounder with. Where do I start? Do I pull up weeds, or trim the limbs? Do I just do the limbs and then start something else or just pick a point and work my way through doing everything at once?
That seemed to be (as I have thought back to my relationship with Christ) the same with God. Where in the world did I start? Do I go back in my past and work my way to the future? Or do I deal with everything at one time? Or do I just deal with whatever comes up and work the past in? Or do I leave the past in the past? Well, anyone that knows me well knows I don't like to leave things behind. The past has valuable information for the future. It contains answers that help clear up things I deal with in the here and now. Past behavior governs present day behavior. My husband recently asked me why I am the way I am....that, J., is a loaded question. There isn't a simple answer to that question. There are things I don't even know about myself.
When the pastor challenged us this weekend I kept my mouth shut. One, I had to think about that one. Where am I? How does the church figure into that? Where is the church? How do we want to be there for others? How are we perceived by others?
As parents we have the job to teach our children. That involves a lot of repetition. We can get real tired of having to repeat lessons for the benefit of children that don't seem to be able to retain them. Either because they can't or won't. It doesn't matter. But we, as adults also need repetition. I am well aware of this because God has repeatedly been over and over the same lesson with me. I AM IN CONTROL, NOT YOU. That would be the gist (or jist?) of it. Basic lesson. It's HIS path, not mine.
I didn't want to marry a truck driver (I stereotyped him) and God showed me I was wrong. I married one.
Driving by our church (before we attended there), I declared with a stubborn matter-of-factness that I wouldn't attend church there under ANY circumstances! We've been members there for 7 years.
Somewhere inside, after having been a victim of adultery, I decided I wouldn't trust again (at least not fully). God pressed me relentlessly and showed me I COULD trust again. I did and I do. FULLY.
I could go on and on. God can turn a head. He can sure grab your attention. He sure does grab mine. And I'm sensitive to Him now. Alot more sensitive than I've ever been. I know that if I don't stay close to God and keep Him in my life at all times, the weeds of life can grow up so quick that you feel like you are choking. Even if I am rather close, a weed can sneak in. I have to be diligent in keeping that area under control.
I just decided to dive into the tree line and start. Once I got started, well, as I said before, the higher my motivation became. I trimmed limbs and pulled weeds and hauled tree limbs off to the pile. Just as in my relationship with Christ. I just dove in and started swimming in the river of Christ. I started learning and reading and asking questions. I sought help in dealing with alot of things in my life that I needed guidance on. I didn't have very many healthy relationships and didn't have a clue what they looked like. It's been years of turmoil, in the midst of gladness. I'm tired. Emotionally and physically. Pulling up weeds is hard work. Both the weeds in the yard and the weeds in my life. Inevitably you come across something that is a bit challenging. But you keep working. It takes time. Lots of time. And I have found that when I reach a plateau of easy work, that it isn't long before it gets hard again. I long for rest but it is like I can't stop. I need to finish the job. And it is a big job. But, those periods of easy work (or plateau--for lack of a better word) are becoming longer. Does that mean that I'm finally catching up to the past? That I'm close to a point where I have dumped all the big limbs and debris into the wood pile? That all that is left can be raked away? The wood pile represents (at least to me) my past baggage. It will be there but it doesn't rule my life. It is there to lend understanding and knowledge to help others. It will erode away as I learn more about it and accept it. Over time, the size will diminish. The good will prevail and the bad will be but a memory. The pain of it long gone.
I'll write more on this later, J. But for now, this is a good start.
What a weekend! Thank the Lord, it was a long one. I wouldn't have minded another day though. Long weekends just make me wish it were even longer! I managed to get motivated enough to start clearing things out near the tree line and creek that sits along our back yard. What a job! And on top of that, the pastor challenged us (so to speak) to think about where we are, personally with the Lord as well as where we are as a church. So as I worked, I thought about where I am.
Over the past few years, we have been losing ground as the weeds and things have started taking over our yard. Gradually reclaiming it as its own. I have allowed this in simple ways. What I refer to as the tree line has a tremendous amount of poison ivy and, in the summer time, spiders, and snakes that inhabit that area. We also keep a wood pile back there that feeds a supply of termites (this enables our house to remain termite free). Each year, as I would mow or trees would fall, we might not be able to get the limbs/trees to the woodpile or they would stick out from the line. We'd mow around them. Or, a spider might have a web and I would avoid it. Eventually, that allowed nature to take over. Well, I decided that I didn't like that. Not one bit. I grew up in a not so nice house. I want my house and yard to be nice. I'm not looking for perfect (there is something to be said for the "lived in" look), but I do look for nice. Something that I can feel comfortable showing guests.
I decided that I needed to reclaim my yard. Now is perfect. The trees are just beginning to develop buds, the weeds are dead and the bugs are well, doing whatever they do during the winter. Spiders and snakes are not anywhere in sight. At least, not in my sight. Which is....GOOD. So I started pulling up weeds and found that limbs once to heavy and cumbersome were now week and brittle. As I worked, I felt better and better about clearing things out. The more I cleared, the more motivated I became. Much like my relationship with Jesus. At first, there was a lot of muck. It was so heavy and thick that I just didn't know where to begin. I'd put things off. I wouldn't start because it was just too hard to figure out WHERE. Same with the yard. Sometimes I'm too anal for my own good. I mean here are the questions I'd flounder with. Where do I start? Do I pull up weeds, or trim the limbs? Do I just do the limbs and then start something else or just pick a point and work my way through doing everything at once?
That seemed to be (as I have thought back to my relationship with Christ) the same with God. Where in the world did I start? Do I go back in my past and work my way to the future? Or do I deal with everything at one time? Or do I just deal with whatever comes up and work the past in? Or do I leave the past in the past? Well, anyone that knows me well knows I don't like to leave things behind. The past has valuable information for the future. It contains answers that help clear up things I deal with in the here and now. Past behavior governs present day behavior. My husband recently asked me why I am the way I am....that, J., is a loaded question. There isn't a simple answer to that question. There are things I don't even know about myself.
When the pastor challenged us this weekend I kept my mouth shut. One, I had to think about that one. Where am I? How does the church figure into that? Where is the church? How do we want to be there for others? How are we perceived by others?
As parents we have the job to teach our children. That involves a lot of repetition. We can get real tired of having to repeat lessons for the benefit of children that don't seem to be able to retain them. Either because they can't or won't. It doesn't matter. But we, as adults also need repetition. I am well aware of this because God has repeatedly been over and over the same lesson with me. I AM IN CONTROL, NOT YOU. That would be the gist (or jist?) of it. Basic lesson. It's HIS path, not mine.
I didn't want to marry a truck driver (I stereotyped him) and God showed me I was wrong. I married one.
Driving by our church (before we attended there), I declared with a stubborn matter-of-factness that I wouldn't attend church there under ANY circumstances! We've been members there for 7 years.
Somewhere inside, after having been a victim of adultery, I decided I wouldn't trust again (at least not fully). God pressed me relentlessly and showed me I COULD trust again. I did and I do. FULLY.
I could go on and on. God can turn a head. He can sure grab your attention. He sure does grab mine. And I'm sensitive to Him now. Alot more sensitive than I've ever been. I know that if I don't stay close to God and keep Him in my life at all times, the weeds of life can grow up so quick that you feel like you are choking. Even if I am rather close, a weed can sneak in. I have to be diligent in keeping that area under control.
I just decided to dive into the tree line and start. Once I got started, well, as I said before, the higher my motivation became. I trimmed limbs and pulled weeds and hauled tree limbs off to the pile. Just as in my relationship with Christ. I just dove in and started swimming in the river of Christ. I started learning and reading and asking questions. I sought help in dealing with alot of things in my life that I needed guidance on. I didn't have very many healthy relationships and didn't have a clue what they looked like. It's been years of turmoil, in the midst of gladness. I'm tired. Emotionally and physically. Pulling up weeds is hard work. Both the weeds in the yard and the weeds in my life. Inevitably you come across something that is a bit challenging. But you keep working. It takes time. Lots of time. And I have found that when I reach a plateau of easy work, that it isn't long before it gets hard again. I long for rest but it is like I can't stop. I need to finish the job. And it is a big job. But, those periods of easy work (or plateau--for lack of a better word) are becoming longer. Does that mean that I'm finally catching up to the past? That I'm close to a point where I have dumped all the big limbs and debris into the wood pile? That all that is left can be raked away? The wood pile represents (at least to me) my past baggage. It will be there but it doesn't rule my life. It is there to lend understanding and knowledge to help others. It will erode away as I learn more about it and accept it. Over time, the size will diminish. The good will prevail and the bad will be but a memory. The pain of it long gone.
I'll write more on this later, J. But for now, this is a good start.
posted by Unknown | 7:34 AM
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