Still wandering in the desert...
Good afternoon, J.,
Here I am....again...writing because sometimes it is the only way I can process things in my mind...I took a couple of small steps this past week. I am ashamed to admit that my commitment was halfearted, but halfhearted is about all I can muster the motivation for lately. Anyway, I committed to getting back into His word on a more regular basis and the first step is the most important one. I have a study book I bought ages ago on the Old Testament after my Dad harrassed me about studying the books in the Old Testament. He feels that too many have dismissed the OT with the coming of the NT...and that was never God's intention. So, at first, I bought it to quiet the voices...his and the Holy Spirit. And J., you know as well as I do, even if you can quiet a parent, one certainly CANNOT quiet or ignore the Holy Spirit.
It sat for months...one of those habits we humans do for lots of things. Sort of like sightseeing in one's hometown...who does that? Hardly anyone until someone comes to visit. I dont' know how many times I've said, sure we can go there cause I've NEVER BEEN....
The book on the OT is quite interesting...it is set up just like a school textbook and it came with an interactive CD which has not been used...yet. I have read the first 6 chapters and have found it helps with my limited knowledge in the OT areas. It answers many fundamental questions and those "bigger picture" questions that are hard to comprehend when you read it broken up in parts as most of us do. I think that I would find classes in theology and such very interesting...
I've read the entire Bible, cover to cover (2004) and while I think that is quite an accomplishment, reading means nothing if you don't comprehend. My intent is to go through much slower now and read it again, taking in even more than the first time. As part of my commitment to work myself through this desert place, I resumed my study of the OT. I keep my book by my bed and that is where I do my reading...I managed one evening and slipped on the others. I want to get back in the habit of putting my time in the word before I spend time in any other book or watch television prior to going to bed. Geez I feel so lazy...
I forced myself to attend church on Sunday and knew my absences have not gone unnoticed after my attendance drew a comment from my son. OUCH...he doesn't understand anything else other than I appear to be what our youth group calls a "church ditcher". How do you explain that to a young person? My son is like God. He's very black and white. There are no grey areas to muddle up things. And he knows better than I that my bottom belongs at church. He doesn't understand that sometimes it is okay to take a break from church...to worship my Father outside the church is still acceptable...
However, I think that he gets it better than I do at this point. He senses that what I need is to be at church. He feels it more than I do. He's very intuitive that boy of mine. He has a heart after God that is for sure.
Yesterday, sitting in church, praising Him in song, I had a vision. A vision of the Lord, sitting on His throne, His Son one on side, and they were listening as the world praised Him as a choir...their voices rising through the clouds, offering praise and worship to their Lord. His children, singing His praises. I wondered, for a moment, what He must feel, sitting there, listening to His children, both lost and found, offering up a song to Him. What was He feeling at the moment? Oh how I long to see His face. And that of His Son. I long to know those things that I know will have to wait for heaven....and I noted that I felt something...and it was nice. A nice reminder that even in the desert place, I still feel something...I know it is temporary...I just need to keep walking...and growing.
I need to go for now. Until next time J.
Here I am....again...writing because sometimes it is the only way I can process things in my mind...I took a couple of small steps this past week. I am ashamed to admit that my commitment was halfearted, but halfhearted is about all I can muster the motivation for lately. Anyway, I committed to getting back into His word on a more regular basis and the first step is the most important one. I have a study book I bought ages ago on the Old Testament after my Dad harrassed me about studying the books in the Old Testament. He feels that too many have dismissed the OT with the coming of the NT...and that was never God's intention. So, at first, I bought it to quiet the voices...his and the Holy Spirit. And J., you know as well as I do, even if you can quiet a parent, one certainly CANNOT quiet or ignore the Holy Spirit.
It sat for months...one of those habits we humans do for lots of things. Sort of like sightseeing in one's hometown...who does that? Hardly anyone until someone comes to visit. I dont' know how many times I've said, sure we can go there cause I've NEVER BEEN....
The book on the OT is quite interesting...it is set up just like a school textbook and it came with an interactive CD which has not been used...yet. I have read the first 6 chapters and have found it helps with my limited knowledge in the OT areas. It answers many fundamental questions and those "bigger picture" questions that are hard to comprehend when you read it broken up in parts as most of us do. I think that I would find classes in theology and such very interesting...
I've read the entire Bible, cover to cover (2004) and while I think that is quite an accomplishment, reading means nothing if you don't comprehend. My intent is to go through much slower now and read it again, taking in even more than the first time. As part of my commitment to work myself through this desert place, I resumed my study of the OT. I keep my book by my bed and that is where I do my reading...I managed one evening and slipped on the others. I want to get back in the habit of putting my time in the word before I spend time in any other book or watch television prior to going to bed. Geez I feel so lazy...
I forced myself to attend church on Sunday and knew my absences have not gone unnoticed after my attendance drew a comment from my son. OUCH...he doesn't understand anything else other than I appear to be what our youth group calls a "church ditcher". How do you explain that to a young person? My son is like God. He's very black and white. There are no grey areas to muddle up things. And he knows better than I that my bottom belongs at church. He doesn't understand that sometimes it is okay to take a break from church...to worship my Father outside the church is still acceptable...
However, I think that he gets it better than I do at this point. He senses that what I need is to be at church. He feels it more than I do. He's very intuitive that boy of mine. He has a heart after God that is for sure.
Yesterday, sitting in church, praising Him in song, I had a vision. A vision of the Lord, sitting on His throne, His Son one on side, and they were listening as the world praised Him as a choir...their voices rising through the clouds, offering praise and worship to their Lord. His children, singing His praises. I wondered, for a moment, what He must feel, sitting there, listening to His children, both lost and found, offering up a song to Him. What was He feeling at the moment? Oh how I long to see His face. And that of His Son. I long to know those things that I know will have to wait for heaven....and I noted that I felt something...and it was nice. A nice reminder that even in the desert place, I still feel something...I know it is temporary...I just need to keep walking...and growing.
I need to go for now. Until next time J.
posted by Unknown | 10:27 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home